When you are forced to be courageous in an everyday battle, humility is inevitable. This is the thought that came to mind when I was trying to think of what to name my blog. I wanted it to be a couple of words that I felt best summed me up, so that's how I came up with Humbly Courageous. The reason I call it humble courage is because it's not the kind of puff up your chest courage people talk about, but more of a quiet, humble, inner courage.
The birth of my courage was unassuming. Courage for me started when I was very young. My first vivid memory of being forced to be courageous is from nursery school. I believe I was about 4 years old. The teacher had us play duck, duck goose. I'm sure many of you are familiar with that game. The first time I truly felt different was when a little boy who was the one going around the circle saying duck, duck, duck, duck, duck and then he tapped my head and said goose! So when that happens, the object is for that person to spring up and start chasing the person who tagged them. Well, my classmates quickly caught on that I was never going to be able to catch them, that they could easily catch me, and that they would always win against me. I was goose many, many times. If I'm being honest, that memory still stings. I felt alone, and remember thinking, oh I'm really different from everyone and this isn't going to be easy.
So many moments in each day of my life demand courage. Putting my feet on the ground each day knowing what I face physically, first comes to mind. If you could feel the weakness I feel, I think it would terrify you. It takes extreme physical discipline, being mindful of each and every step I take, because if I don't, I trip. It also takes a level of mental toughness that you have to purposefully tap into many times throughout the day. It's as mentally exhausting as it is physically in my opinion. However, to live a full and meaningful life, and push my limits so I can grow and accomplish my goals, it's a must. I must be courageous enough to face my day knowing the mountain I must climb. I've been doing this for 46 years. I can't think of a single time when I chose not to rise, and not get out of my bed. Even after my surgeries, sometimes having both legs in casts for months. I got up. Forced courage. I didn't want to depend on others, I wanted to do things myself. My mom tells me that as they were deciding where to go with my journey, they had to choose to let me go and fail, or protect and hold me back. She said I just took off and there was no stopping me. God instilled that in me, knowing what a long physical and mental journey was ahead for me. He made me humbly courageous.
Some other things that have forced courage in my life.....school, being literally the only person that walked like I do, walking into a crowded room, walking anywhere really. People stare. It's intimidating. People aren't always kind. People say things like "what's wrong with her", "why does she walk funny". I was once on a first date, and someone came up to my date and said, "good for you to take on someone with a gimp like that". Yes, that really happened. Yes, it was humiliating. Listen, I could go on and on about negativity and just downright cruelty I've faced as a person with a disability. That's not why I'm here. For all the negativity, there have been far more positive experiences regarding my disability. Far more comments have been made to me that show me how God has been working through me just by me living my life humbly courageous. I'm helping others who are watching how I live my life along with my physical obstacles, whether I like it or not. It is happening.
Facing this stem cell process has just been another way for me to be humbly courageous. I don't know what the future holds. I have chosen to publicly share my journey in hopes that it could help someone else. That's a vulnerable spot. Sharing something that could miserably fail. Again, opening myself up to negativity, but yet again more positivity has come out of me sharing this journey, which is my goal. I want to help others. I want to show that you too are humbly courageous. We all have mountains to climb, and some of ours look steeper than others at times, but we all have them. How will you choose to climb your mountain? Will you too live humbly courageously? For me, as I said in the beginning, I am forced to face an everyday battle like it or not. Courage is not an option, but more an already punched ticket for me to live my life the best way I can. Not by fighting what is meant to be, but living out the plan and purpose designed for my life. Being forced to fight an everyday battle produces humble courage. 💚
What you do every day is like a marathon. Every day.
ReplyDeleteKeep on sharing your light and following God's lead.